One More Time
by Kyoroku
Summary: Rose has had a difficult time coping with everything she has experienced after the 10th Doctor's clone was left with her. Unsure where to go with her life, she goes for a walk - but a stranger who shows up helps give her hope again.


Two long years of her life were spent exclusively in a vain attempt to force herself to love him the same way she loved the man he was modeled after.

At first, it was easy. He gently guided her through her heartbreak; his personality was more or less identical and he certainly looked and **felt** the same as her Doctor. It was reassuring to place her hand upon his arm or cheek and feel the same strength and determination that she'd come to know him for. He would bring her flowers, tell her jokes, and grew a newfound determination to show her as much of her own world as he possibly could, since travelling the multiverse was no longer possible. They made plans to see Italy, Ireland, China, and all the Middle East. He joked about taking her to Antartica, if only to say that they'd been. He made her breakfast every morning and found a sturdy, respectable job as - ironically enough - a physician's assistant. He became known for his kindness and generosity, his need to constantly stand up for those who seemed to have nobody on their side.

In short, it was like a honeymoon, although they never officially married. She could not have been happier, and John - her lovely, adoring, doting Doctor doppleganger - told her every day how he would have gladly given everything he ever was just to see her smile.

It had been only a couple of months since she'd been gifted with her clone, however, before the drab normality of her life - one without her Doctor - had begun to sink in. At first it was a nagging tug at the back of her mind, a longing to see the universes again and experience time in its least linear forms, but she could put it aside until it was forgotten. The passage of day and night - as they should have been, one after another - did not bother her until that tugging appeared. Only then did it occur to her that it had been so very long since she had lived that way.

John knew right away that something was amiss.

Rose, however, would not speak with him about it. At first she could brush him off, insist it was nothing but adjusting back to a normal life after the whirlwind of events. When she smiled, it was still genuine. John knew better though.

Quite right, too.

By the time two years had passed in their normal fashion Rose was despondent. Jackie had given up trying to cheer up the girl, instead engrossed with raising another child and learning to relive her life with everything straightened out. John had quite nearly bent over backwards in an attempt to make everything all right with the world, but Rose would have nothing of it, and as soon as John burst into the room with another thrilling suggestion of something to keep Rose's mind off of what she had lost, she would simply look away to stare at another wall.

She gave up eating. She rarely left her room. John stopped sleeping in the same bed as her, hopeful that somehow giving her space would help her come to terms with her life, as he had tried everything else. She began to waste away, a pale and gaunt shadow of the girl that once was.

Then, one day, she found herself in desperate need of fish and chips.

She couldn't help but laugh bitterly as she forced herself to clean up and dress. Her hair was a mess; a lack of proper nutrition had left it brittle and thin with a hint of discoloration. All of her clothes were too big, and trying to wear them made her look like she'd lost everything in a horrible accident and was living purely off the kindness of what others had donated. She wasn't sure, after reluctantly looking herself over in the mirror, that it was really worth trying to go out, even if it was for such a simple desire.

But she needed to.

And so alone, Rose Tyler quietly left her flat and stumbled down a sidewalk toward the only shop near her that served halfway decent fish and chips.

The smell alone brought back so many memories. In her head, her Doctor laughed, and spoke to her, and although the tone and words were the same as what John would have said or how he would have acted, it was different somehow, because it was HIM, not a replacement. A clone. A copy. Tears began to roll down her cheeks, quite unexpectedly, and she found herself soon tripping over her own feet until her rear met a bench near a park that was deserted; appropriately so, given that it was well past lunch but far too early for supper.

Rose stared at her shoes through her tears. The floating designs of their color and shape briefly formed into a mental image of the console of the TARDIS, although she found some bits and pieces of her memory were fading, and as such those areas were more blurred than others. It broke her heart to realize that her recollection of those times was beginning to die off.

"You look like you miss somebody," spoke up a sudden male voice from beside her.

Panicked, Rose lifted her head to find herself staring at a tall, gaunt man with high cheekbones and light brown hair that was swept to the side who had settled in next to her. He wore a tweed jacket, a bow tie, and suspenders - a getup that caught her off guard and left her rubbing at her eyes curiously.

"Well, you could say that," she bitterly answered once she had let her confusion catch up with her. "What's it to you?"

The man lifted a brow, as though surprised by her snapped response, but otherwise had no real physical response. "Just curious. Hate to see someone look so down." He shrugged.

"I.. Do miss someone. Someone I probably shouldn't miss. Doesn't matter much. I'm just moping." Rose sighed, and glanced away from the man, who chuckled.

"Look like you've been moping a very long time." He hesitated, seeming to realize how insulting that could sound, and cleared his throat. "Not that you look bad, just tired, maybe a bit, need a pick-me-up, something of the sort?"

Rose dared a glance at the man, who was fiddling nervously with his bow tie. She couldn't help but smile; whoever he was, he was at least lightening her spirits a tiny bit. It was funny how much he made her think of **him**, not because he was at all similar in looks but because his personality was so off-the-wall and something about him didn't quite seem to sit right with the world. In fact, as she took a sidelong glance at him out of her peripheral vision, she realized he was a little fuzzy - not in the way a person normally would be, but in a way that amde her think she could see auras and his was a vivid, flickering, confusing amalgamation of every color that had ever existed, including those beyond her spectrum of vision. It was confusing, unsettling, and yet frighteningly familiar all at once, and it made her heart jump in a way that it hadn't in so very, very long.

"You from around here?" she suddenly challenged, eyes narrowing as she focused in on his face, determined to find something out of place about his response or reaction.

"Sure," was his flippant response, though his cheeks tinged the slightest hint of pink and his gaze deviated ever so slightly from her's. Her skin tingled.

"Do I know you?" she pressed, leaning toward him just a little; he flinched and visibly winced, edging away from her as though worried they would make physical contact of some kind and something horrible would happen.

"Me, personally?" he choked out, clearing his throat afterwards. "No, not me, not so much."

Rose snorted. It was a horribly non-committal answer, one that seemed familiar and strange all at once. It confused her, but at the same time provided an odd reassurance. "I'm not so sure about that." Curious, and worried he would move away from her if she gave him much longer, she reached out and pressed her hand against his arm. His jacket was warm, and the strange feeling she got from him grew tenfold upon contact.

The man sagged suddenly. Collapsed against her, his arms winding around her shoulders, and he pulled her close to his body with a resigned sigh. "I'm so sorry," he whispered as he held her tight. She was tense at first, but those words - spoken to her once before - made her heart break all over again, yet soar with hope at the same time.

"You.." Her voice, barely a whisper, refused to continue working. There was no question who the man was, as she realized right then and there that the odd-looking stranger was really no more different than the man he'd been the last two times she'd known him.

He nodded against her shoulder. "Rose, I'm so sorry," he repeated, his voice cracking as he spoke with the immense weight of the emotion that had spilled out of him so quickly. "I thought of you every day and after Amy and Rory and River and everyone it just.. I couldn't.. I had to. I have no idea how much I'm burning up, or what I'm burning up for that matter, just to say it, but I'm not going to make that mistake again. I'm not going to miss the chance again. I can't - I won't." He sat back suddenly and held her at arm's length, staring into her eyes as he licked lips and nervously cleared his throat. "Rose Tyler, I love you, with both my hearts and all my soul and being, with every atom of all that I am and was and ever will be. You've completed me and without you I have been absolutely lost in the worlds. Nothing has looked or felt the same since I last said goodbye to you, and even though I knew he would take good care of you, I had to .. I had to make sure you were all right."

"Of course I'm all right," she whispered, staring back at him, although her mouth wasn't quite sure it wanted to form the words. "I just.. You broke me when you left again, even though you brought him to me. I was okay for a while, you know, but it's.. Quite different to think of you out there, zooming around the stars, and knowing I'm standing on a world supposedly never able to see you again." She put on a faint smile, although she was sure there was a hint of bitterness to her voice. She couldn't help it - he had deserted her, claiming he had no choice, and no matter how many times he apologized she was positive she would never be able to shake the nauseating feeling of knowing that he had dropped her off with no intention of ever trying to come back - even though he had clearly managed somehow. "I thought you had left me forever. You said you had."

The Doctor chuckled faintly. "Said that the first time too but I came back. Now here I am again." He shrugged, reaching out as he did to cup one of her cheeks. Her skin felt so soft, so perfect, and her cheek fit into the palm of his hand as though it had been designed to rest there for all of eternity.

"Doctor, I can't.. I can't take this. I need to either have you here, or be with you - or I need you to let me try to heal." The words escaped Rose's lips before she had the chance to think about them, and she caught herself off-guard with the statement - had she just clearly told him he either needed to keep her forever or leave her alone for the rest of her life?

"I know, Rose," he whispered. "I know. And I'm so sorry. For that, for coming back again and again. I'm.. Addicted to you, Rose Tyler." Half of his lips tucked into a tight smirk. "Humans were never listed on the things we Time Lords ought to avoid because there might be side effects such as addiction." That actually made them both laugh, and Rose couldn't help but think that the sound of the Doctor - even if it wasn't **her** Doctor - laughing was the most beautiful thing in the world. Soon, though, it died off, and the two were left holding one another again in relative silence.

"You're going to have to go soon, aren't you." Rose bit her lip, looking him over; he was nothing like the man she remembered but at the same time was just as wonderful and extraordinary. The man nodded, his shaggy hair flopping against his forehead with the movement. She sighed.

"I'm trying to change this, Rose," he whispered before leaning in to press a soft, affectionate kiss against her forehead. "I want to change it. I'm doing everything I can to make things better. Until I can undo everything I've done, and bring us back together, promise me one thing?" His head tilted, and for a moment in his eyes she saw the Doctor she'd known before.

"Anything," she breathed. He nodded once.

"Be good to him," the man insisted, leaning in to softly kiss her lips as the words faded into the air. Rose didn't have time to return the gesture, as he was already withdrawing from the kiss. "Please," he continued. "Love him. He exists for you and he's part of me, even if he isn't really fully me. I'm not fully that man anymore either. Never will be. So be as amazing and wonderful to him as you would be to me, because he deserves that, all right?" The Doctor offered her a hopeful smile.

"I'll.." She nearly said she would do her best, but it seemed like a pathetic excuse when he was making such a comparatively simple request. He was tearing apart worlds to kiss her once and she wasn't sure if she could love a man who was part of him while she waited for everything to come back together? Pathetic. "I will," she more firmly said, nodding back at him as though to solidify it.

"Good!" he exclaimed, as though hit with some new version of happiness that she could hardly comprehend. It came out of nowhere and seemed so inappropriate for the moment that she couldn't help but laugh at it. It was so.. Him. "I need to be on my way then; lots of things to do and all the time in the world for me to do them. I'll see you soon, all right?"

"How soon is soon?" she demanded, smiling but aware that her eyes were filling with tears again. 'Soon' for the Doctor could have been twenty years for her, but for him it would be little more than a few hours piddling around in the TARDIS. Her fingers dug themselves into his jacket, twisting into the fabric desperately; he had just arrived and quite suddenly she was losing him again. It was beyond unfair, and yet familiar. This was life with the Doctor, subject to his whims and flighty nature. Whether or not she approved.

"Soon!" he enthused, embracing her again tightly before he forced them to disengaged and reluctantly withdrew from her. "Soon, Rose, my love. Until then you aren't alone. If you need me.. If you can feel me enough in your mind, your heart, I'll be around." The man winked at her, then straightened his bow tie. "Until then, my Rose." With that, he turned and headed off into the park, through the abandoned playset. Rose rubbed her eyes once, but by the time she looked up again he was gone, and there was nothing to comfort her but the eerie whooshing sound of the TARDIS's engines coming from somewhere in the distance, fading into nothing until all she had but the breeze.

Rose Tyler sighed.

He was gone, but he would be back - and until then, she had to **live**.

He would be so disappointed if she did anything else.


End file.
